


Unexpected Flight

by Teriana



Series: Middle Earth funny tales and Other Utter Poppycock [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Humor, M/M, sex in the air
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 15:49:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10468545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teriana/pseuds/Teriana
Summary: Attention! The Quest of Erebor is cancelled! Thorin Oakenshield and his Company are onboard of “Durin-2” owing to Gandalf the Grey and expected to have a flight right away. The usual airplane bustle onboard. Was it a right decision to trust the wizard after all?





	

“Ladies and gentlemen, Erebor Airlines is happy to welcome you onboard of our superliner Durin the second. We are currently first in line for take-off and are expected to be in the air in approximately five minutes time. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all baggage underneath your seat or in the overhead compartments. We also ask that your seats and table trays are in the upright position for take-off. The weather looks good and with the tailwind on our side we are expecting to land in the seventh Dwarvish Kingdom of Erebor in forty minutes. The weather is clear and sunny, with a high of 15 degrees for this afternoon. During the trip you will be offered drinks and food. Smoking is prohibited for the duration of the flight. Thank you for choosing Erebor Airlines. Enjoy your flight.”

***

“My Luggage! I think I forgot something!” whispered Bilbo excitedly, while the dwarves were taking their seats.  
“One, two, three. Ori, Nori, Dori, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur...” began to count them Gandalf.  
Thorin has been sitting on his place for a long time already, holding his axe close to him and watched the hobbit suspiciously.  
Bilbo pulled out his backpack and began to check the contents quickly.  
“Tablets from kleptomania, aspirin, the one ring, underwear for 3 days...” he was searching for something desperately. “Thorin!” he exclaimed suddenly. “It looks like I forgot our tickets!  
Thorin chuckled quietly.  
“Not a bit of it, Bilbo! We are already on board, we would not be allowed here without them.” he assured him.  
Bilbo nodded in relief. “Yes, I think you’re right.”  
He plopped down on the seat.  
Kili got up from the seat suddenly in front of them, leaning over it, and looked at Thorin grimly.  
“Uncle, we’ll fly to the Lonely Mountain alone? No more passengers to come?” wondered he. “Look, I’m bored! Fili’s already snoring, and I condemned bearing him forty minutes more!  
“Sit down and fasten your seat belt!” growled Thorin. “We’ll be taking off in 5 minutes.”  
Kili sighed resentfully and sat back.  
“My God, what idiot admitted you to pass on board of our liner with a weapon???” there came a shrilling voice ahead. “It needs to be checked in. You can’t be on board with cold weapons, someone might get hurt!  
“It’s quite all right, Mademoiselle, we are insured. We have a contract with Erebor Airlines.” The white-bearded dwarf got up, unrolling the folio.  
“Don’t you “Mademoiselle” me, dwarf!!!” frowned steward in a dark blue uniform.  
“Sorry, sir!” flushed Balin.  
A dark-haired steward smiled back nicely.  
“Well then, please fasten your seat belts, our plane is taking off.”  
Steward went along the line of chairs, checking whether the passengers are ready to flight.  
He untangled the twisted strap of Bofur amiably and then fastened it properly.  
“By my beard, you are an expert in fastening the belts!” smiled Bofur.  
Elf steward winked at him playfully.  
He checked the belts of all the dwarves and Gandalf and then approached Thorin and Bilbo.  
“Have you paid for transportation of such a large axe?” he asked politely.  
Thorin opened his mouth ready to say something unpleasant to this annoying steward.  
“We paid for it at check-in desk.” said Bilbo quickly on his behalf.  
“Show me your sword! Is it big?” insisted steward defiantly, hung over them.  
Thorin coughed, trying to restrain himself.  
“I wanted to see if it can get into...” began stubborn steward.  
But then Thorin got up, stretched out at full length.  
“What business is that of yours? Why do you care of my sword?” outraged he angrily, fixing his glance on narrowed eyes of the steward.  
“Sir, I just wanted to clarify, if it can go…can be shoved into...  
Thorin grabbed his shirt.  
“Sir, what liberties you allow yourself!!!!” yelled steward.  
Bilbo has also jumped up, trying to pull an infuriated dwarf away from the terrified steward.  
“I think I’ve seen your sugary-sweet phiz somewhere before!” growled angry Thorin.  
Steward squinted his eyes apprehensively.  
“No, no. You’re wrong. We’ve never met earlier!” steward tried to remove Thorin’s hands carefully but this damned dwarf held him tight.  
“We wholly paid for our luggage, our tickets are ok!” repeated Bilbo for some reason, trying to diffuse the tension.  
“I understand you.” agreed the steward. I just wanted to clarify...” he gulped, not taking his eyes away from the desperate dwarf and then screwed them up, and uttered quickly. “If your sword can go into overhead compartment that is located above you?  
Thorin shook him harshly, bellowing.  
“I will shove YOU there right now! Just try to touch my sword!” he threw him back on Kili’s seat.  
That one jumped up and giggled.  
“Uncle, he won't fit it!”  
Fili woke up as well and decided to have a small talk.  
“He will fit it! If Thorin cuts him in halves!” he snickered merrily.  
“Across or along? Ahh, uncle?”Kili was restless, rejoicing.  
The steward huddled up to the seat’s back, staring his square frightened eyes at angry Thorin.  
The plane suddenly jerked and Thorin fell backward on his seat. The steward fell on his top, saddling him and his lips turned to be pressed to Thorin’s lips. Thorin felt a pleasant touch of silk of his hair, filled with aromas of berries and flowers. The hand of the steward clutched the key that hung on the neck of the dwarf.  
“Hey, what’s going on? Give it back!” Thorin blushed, pushing sassy steward off and pulling the key from his hand.  
“Excuse me, sir!” the steward whispered timidly and turned pale, then blushed, climbing down from Thorin reluctantly and gone finally.  
Thorin shook himself, fidgeting on his place, and fastened the belt, remembering the awkward situation.  
The eyes of the steward seemed too familiar to him. And still, where he could see him before?  
Thorin remembered suddenly preboarding security screening in Bree before getting on a plane.  
All the dwarves “rang” and passed the metal frame dozens times because of the great number of metal objects they all wore.  
And all the dwarves rang but Bilbo Baggins didn’t for some strange reason. However his backpack fastenings were metallic or looked like metallic.  
Nonpareil champion turned out to be himself.  
Thorin already gave all his weapons but still the frame rang when he was passing through it.  
The dwarf cursed removing all of his rings and belt.  
But the frame rang again.  
Thorin threw away his hair and ear clips onto the metal tray where his rings and other stuff’s been already.  
When he was asked to remove his clothes entirely, he barely avoided the desire to strangle the elven guard who was looking straight at him. But then cussing, took off his top garments, baring his hairy muscled breast, leaving pants and boots on him.  
But as soon as he passed through the metal frame, this darned thing rang again.  
“Sir!” an elven guard approached him with some stick that squeaked repulsively once that one shifted it down Thorin’s belly. “What is there in your pants?” the black-haired elven guard smiled suddenly. “I’m afraid I should ask you to drop your pants. Otherwise you won’t be admitted on the board of your plane.”  
Thorin coughed formidably. The utter silence fell.  
“Sir?” repeated the black-haired elf again.  
Thorin gifted him his threatening glance.  
“Close your eyes!” he demanded.  
“What???” the guard was surprised.  
“Close your eyes!” uttered Thorin and shoved his hand into his pants, groping there.  
The elf guard wrinkled and frowned but then smiled with relief when dwarf extracted a small dagger out of them.  
“That’s it!” sighed out Thorin, placing the dagger onto the metal tray and passed the frame. Now it finally shut up.

His memories were violated with a loud announcement.  
“Dear passengers, check if your seat belts fastened. Did you put your...” the steward coughed into the microphone. “fucking weapon underneath your seat, and make sure nobody gets hurt...”  
“I didn’t do this!” giggled Kili in front of Thorin.  
“Kili, shut up!” Thorin punched his foot on the seat.  
“Thorin, calm down, we’re taking off!” asked him Bilbo.  
Thorin mumbled something and closed his eyes, trying to relax.  
The plane jerked weirdly again and everyone was pressed in the seat, and then was pulled back with terrible strength, when the metal bird soared into the sky.  
Thorin sighed with relief and opened his eyes, facing a worried glance of the hobbit, gazing perplexedly at him.  
“What’s again?” he snorted irritably.  
“I’m trying to remember what I forgot…” Bilbo winced. “I think I forgot the key, Thorin. The key to the mountain.” he mumbled guiltily, his eyes downcast.  
“Relax!” smiled Thorin gently, pulling a metal key from his bosom that hung on the lanyard around his neck.  
“Phew!” breathed a sigh of relief Bilbo and lay in his seat, but then muttered quietly to himself. “No, something I did forget.”  
Thorin sighed patiently and closed his eyes again. The thought of this recent embarrassing, obscene incident denied leaving his head. What an obsession!  
His bottomless blue eyes, great slim body, his berry floral fragrant silk hair, soft gentle hands. His lips sweet and passionate and so...  
“Sir, what are you going to have for dessert?” A strange question from outside pulled him from his sweet dreams.  
Thorin opened his eyes unwillingly and stared at appeared out of nowhere steward with a tray.  
A dreamy glance of Thorin did not go unnoticed and that one winked at him slightly and smiled.  
Thorin suddenly caught himself that he’s staring at his lips and straightened himself sharply.  
“Thank you, nothing’s needed!” he said in hoarse voice.  
“Uncle, can I have an ice cream?” intervened Kili, leaning over the seat.  
“And me!” demanded Fili.  
The steward handed them fruit ice cream balls in cream bowls decorated with chocolate chips and jam.  
The dwarf brothers drooled over the bowls with hot impatience. They proceeded eating it immediately, operating with the spoons.  
“Sir, anything else?” asked the steward languidly, looking kindly at Thorin.  
But the dwarf was silent, trying to fight himself.  
“Sir, are you all right?” the steward frowned, bending over the dwarf. “Can I help you?  
His face was very close to Thorin’s face again. Thorin tried to hold on as best he could, clenching his fists and narrowing his eyes.  
“Sir?”  
Thorin felt the breath of the steward and this sweet berry floral scent of his hair. He suddenly jumped up, pushing the arrogant steward away.  
“I want you to get away from me and keep your dirty, filthy, elven hands to yourself!” snapped infuriated dwarf and seen the frightened expression on the face of the steward remained pleased with the effect produced.  
The steward looked closely at his hands, and then looked puzzled at the dwarf.  
“But sir, they are clean!” he lifted his palms, showing them to Thorin.  
“Go away!” stamped Thorin, grabbing desperately his axe.  
The steward shrieked in horror and pulled away.  
“Thorin, calm down!” Bilbo clapped him on the shoulder, trying to cool him down. “Besides, I have something to tell you.”  
Thorin moaned hysterically, threw his axe and fell on the seat.  
The axe immediately collapsed on his foot.  
“OUUUUCH!” he shouted, reaching down for this damned axe and then heard a sugary happy voice in the loudspeaker.  
“I’ve suggested removing the arms otherwise someone might get hurt!”  
“Go to hell!” groaned in annoyance Thorin, rubbing his bruised leg.  
“Already goooone!” laughed sarcastically the loudspeaker, using an advantage of impunity and added sarcastically. “But will be back soon!”  
***  
The plane shuddered and Thorin managed to catch the toppling down axe, trying to avoid its second dropping on his leg.  
“Thorin, I forgot the warm socks that I managed to knit for all of you before our quest!” Bilbo felt embarrassed. His remark defused the tense situation.  
“Bilbo, I beg you! The hell we need your warm socks! It’s spring outside+15 degrees!” cried in hysterics Thorin.  
The hobbit knew how to make him laugh.  
“I wish I took them, I loved mine with daisies!” shed few tears Bofur which was sitting next to them.  
“And I did not like mine!” exclaimed Ori. “I would have pushed them into the jaws of Smaug, so this snake would choke with wool and croaked!”  
The all dwarves applauded and squealed.  
“Attention! The doors will be closed! The next stop is Mirkwood!” twittered the loudspeaker. “Oh, sorry, I meant to say ...Fasten your seat belts, idiots! We’re going down!” there followed a stupid laughter.  
Thorin squeezed his axe in his hands.  
“It looks like I will kill someone now.” he muttered under his breath.  
The plane released the chassis, awkwardly tilted to the side and went down. Soon there flickered the tops of the trees in all portholes.  
“Oh, my God! We’re gonna crash to pieces!” yelled Bofur in panic. “By my beard! We’re about to smash into the trees!”  
All dwarves have flounced from their seats thrashing about the board with frightened cries.  
“Calm down!” Gandalf let out a cry full of indignation, hanging over them. “There is a landing strip for sure, it’s just not visible! I’ve been on this plane before! Radagast is an experienced pilot!”  
Confusion subsided for an instant, but only till the moment the sardonic voice said into the microphone.  
“Guess why the plane is called Durin the second?”  
A silent pause ensued and everyone became numb in anticipation.  
“The correct answer is because the first crashed while landing! You will all die, morons!” the voice tried to laugh evilly, but it turned out worse. His laugh was like a cackle. “No parachutes! Useless looking for them!” added the voice contentedly.  
Panic seized everyone on the board again. Thorin growled and grabbed his axe.  
“I’m sure someone will be killed now!” he blurted out angrily, rising from his seat.  
The plane shuddered greatly as its wing touched one of the trees and deviated to the right abruptly. Everyone who was standing fell onto the floor and rolled over to the tail of the liner, screaming. Thorin dropped his axe to Bilbo’s feet. The hobbit barely had time to leap aside.  
The liner shook roughly once again and it hit something hard and stopped finally.  
All the passengers breathed a sigh of relief.  
Groaning, Kili rose from the floor and rubbed his bruised side.  
“Uncle, can we go further on foot?” asked he hopefully.  
“Dear passengers, we have a technical window for 20 minutes!” chirped a very polite voice in the loudspeaker. “You can finally relax and go for a walk in the woods. But don’t touch anything and do not make fires!” threatened the voice.  
The dwarves scattered through the woods, trying to recover themselves after a nervous flight.  
Radagast was smoking his pipe near the broken plane and chatted with Gandalf.  
“Why have you landed here in this foul place?” asked the wizard, puffing on his smoke and looking with disgust at the protruding legs of the squashed giant ugly spider, pinned by the nose of the plane.  
“Well, I need to pick up some kid and his dad!” lamented Radagast, sighing and looking sadly at half-broken liner.  
“Which kid and his dad?” Gandalf frowned, staring at the two approaching blonde elves with big backpacks. He almost dropped the pipe.  
“Haloo, Gendy! Haven’t seen you around here lately! The Quest of Erebor in this plane?” smiled affably Thranduil.  
“Thranduil?” the wizard was stunned. “What the hell you want in the Lonely Mountain?” asked with curiosity he.  
“What the hell what?” resented the Elven King. “Of course my diamonds, misappropriated by dwarves. So we fly together!” he patted him on the shoulder, climbing the ladder. Legolas winked at Gandalf and Radagast passing them by.  
The wizard frowned even more, choking on the smoke and coughed.  
“I have a bad feeling. I fear this will end very bad, my friend!”  
Radagast muttered some upset word to him in response, waved his hand and went repairing the plane.  
When all the dwarves came back on board it turned out they completely forgot where they were sitting before and sat down taking new places. No one complained, fortunately the vacant seats in plane were more than enough.  
Some time passed and Radagast finally managed to fix the plane by some miracle and it took off.  
When it has soared into the air all of the passengers noticed a sudden the silence on the board, and the fact that no one announces anything in the loudspeaker, no one asks to fasten seat belts.  
“Where this damned steward’s gone?” smirked Thorin gladly, rejoicing that no one will bother him till the end of the flight.  
Kili sat across from Thorin near Bofur and constantly stared at his place, which was already taken.  
“Do you know those two sexy blondes which are sitting on mine and Fili’s seats?” he inquired loudly.  
Thranduil with Legolas rose, giving Kili a scornful look.  
“I assume these are not blondes at all!” explained dazed Bofur.  
Thorin suddenly jumped up and lurched forward.  
“What the hell are you doing here?” he shouted in ire.  
“The same hell as you are!” answered Thranduil in a calm voice. “I want to get what’s rightfully mine!”  
“You’ll get something else now from me!” Thorin blurted out, pouncing on the Elven King and yanking him in main passenger aisle. They collapsed on the floor, attacking each other. To say precisely, Thorin was assaulting Thranduil and that one defended himself, trying every possible means to break free from the dwarf and along with it tried to hurt him using the moment. They grabbed each other’s hair, Thranduil furiously bucking underneath, scratching the back of Thorin.  
“Taking bets!” let a loud cry Bofur. “I bet on Thorin! One in a hundred! Who wants to bet on the Elven King?  
“You will not fly anywhere!” Thorin caught Thranduil’s hands and pinned them to the floor.  
The Elven King ceased struggling and was heavily breathing under the dwarf, staring fiercely at him.  
“That’s you who’s not gonna fly anywhere, idiot!” he grinned, defiantly staring at Thorin.  
Thorin winced. The sudden guess enlightened him.  
“Steward?” He frowned, opening his mouth in surprise.  
“Yes, sir?” Thranduil smiled slyly. “Feeling better now? So can you get off me now?”  
Stunned Thorin grimaced, rising from the floor. Thranduil got up with a grunt after him, shaking the dust off his robe.  
“But why?” Thorin was looking at him in astonishment.  
“What do you mean why?” did not understand Thranduil, adjusting buttonholes. “I’ve already told you I’m gonna fly with you. But if you’re talking about my work, yes, I’ve been working here like a slave for a long time being as Mirkwood Airlines were closed by Sauron. I’m not interested in your Arkenstone at all, I want my diamonds back, the ones Thror tried usurped several centuries ago.” he explained.  
“You do not have any right!” Thorin was obstinate. “Everything that is in the Mountain belongs to me and to Durin’s Folk!”  
“Yeah, right!” smirked the Elven King. “Moderate your desires, dwarf! The treasures of Lasgalen originally belonged to us, till you dirty, greedy dwarves snitched them!” he blurted out angrily. “I hope Smaug will eat you for lunch. And then I will get my things back and probably grab something more! Do you have any crowns there?” he chuckled gleefully.  
Thranduil’s taunt fell on deaf ears, Thorin stood pensively lost in thought.  
“I knew that was you!” suddenly he said. “Your eyes were very familiar, when you...when you... he faltered, moving his gaze to Thranduil’s lips.  
The Elven King seemed to read his eloquent glance.  
“Do not flatter yourself! It was a sort of distraction!”  
“I don’t... began Thorin.  
“For a moment I thought you liked it!” grinned slyly Thranduil, winking at Thorin.  
The dwarf blushed slightly.  
“Who do you think you are?” protested he.  
Thranduil leveled with him leaning close and whispered saucily into his ear. “Although I should emphasize, you’re a great kisser!” he chuckled.  
“Hey you! Come here!” Thorin rushed in fever towards Thranduil, in attempt to catch him but instead his hands grabbed the air.  
The Elven King managed to leap aside at safe distance.  
“I’m not gonna fly anywhere with him!” threatened Thorin looking strictly at Gandalf.  
“That’s me who’s not gonna fly anywhere with him!” imitated him Thranduil.  
“Calm down both of you!” demanded Gandalf. “I won’t fly anywhere! Will you resent and try to fight again then you will go to the mountain on foot, and maybe you reach it before the winter!” groaned he in irritation. “Radagast told me that the plane has faults, so during the flight we all will experience a phenomenon of turbulence and there can be a possible decompression.”  
“Turbo...Deco... what?” asked puzzled Bofur.  
Balin reproached him by a strict glance.  
“It doesn’t matter!” cut him Gandalf. “Just sit still on your seats, we soon arrive.”  
All obediently dispersed to their places, no one had any desire to argue with the wizard.  
Only Thorin and Thranduil still stood opposite each other.  
“I meant you two too!” hinted strictly Gandalf.  
Thorin sank down on the seat next to Bilbo. He sympathetically smiled at him.  
Thranduil plopped down on the seat next to Legolas. His son offered him Mojito. Thranduil sipped the drink from the straw.  
“Never trust dwarves, son,” he whispered to Legolas softly, but loud enough for Thorin to hear him. “Especially those ones of Durin’s Folk!” he nodded back.  
Legolas nodded obediently.  
“Hey, your Majesty!” resented Thorin from behind. “I heard alcoholic beverages are not allowed on board of Erebor Airlines.”  
Thranduil turned in his direction, smacking his lips with pleasure. “It’s allowed to me, dwarf, cause I’m working here.”  
The plane suddenly was shaken, the glass dropped out from the hands of the Elven King, splashing the beverage on his robe and rolled down on the floor.  
Thorin couldn’t help but laugh ironically. Thranduil curved his lips in offence and narrowed his eyes angrily. He pressed against the back of his chair, leaning it backwards.  
The chair painfully hit Thorin’s knees and he grabbed Thranduil’s hair in retaliation.  
“AWWWW!” yelled that one at the top of his voice.  
Gandalf jumped up from his seat angrily.  
“I see everything!” he warned menacingly.  
Thorin let go off Thranduil and he returned the chair to its original position.  
Thranduil shook himself, straightening his tousled hair. He took Mojito from Legolas. That one stared disappointedly at him.  
“You’re too young to start drinking, grow up first...”  
“And grow a beard!” finished his phrase Thorin.  
Thranduil closed his eyes and sighed irritably.  
“I told you not to deal with these dwarves! See, what’s happened?!?” he showed his wet robe and his upset look.  
Legolas stared at his father in bewilderment.  
“Don’t deal with these elves,” Thorin whispered to Bilbo. “They are slow-witted!”  
“Whom did you call slow-witted?” protested Thranduil loudly, turning back to Thorin again.  
“I heard that!” Gandalf shouted crossly from the front row. “Another word, more accurate to say last warning and I will drop the two of you off from the plane!”  
“Listen here, dwarf!” Thranduil whispered, squinting his eyes. “Whether you like it or not, but I’m gonna fly with you and you won’t be able to stop me. You simply will not be able to do it, because it’s impossible!”  
Thorin leaned forward closer to him, hoping that Gandalf wouldn’t hear them.  
“Maybe. But I’ll find the way.”  
Thranduil drew to him.  
“There is no way!”  
Thorin paused, staring mesmerized into his bottomless blue eyes and licked his dry lips, dropping his eyes on the thin compressed lips of Thranduil.  
“I’ll find it!” he said quietly and returned on his place unexpectedly.  
Thranduil leaned back in his seat right away.  
“Yeah, you will find it! Maybe next century!” emphasized he caustically.  
“Thorin!” timidly called him Bilbo.  
The dwarf indignantly shook in the chair.  
“Well, what is it this time? Forgot something else?” he said with displeasure.  
Bilbo beamed.  
“How did you know?”  
Thorin stared at him accusingly.  
“I think I forgot the map.” admitted Bilbo guiltily, and hunched trying to understand will his phrase get a consequence or not.  
“Oh, why don’t you calm down! Balin gave me the map, I have it!” Thorin pulled out from his pocket a crumpled piece of paper, waving it in front of the nose of Bilbo.  
Suddenly, the plane shuddered and the lights went out on board. Passengers started rumbling anxiously on the liner, and Thorin suddenly dropped the map. Next moment someone started to crawl beneath Thorin’s feet and fumbled on the floor. Then this someone started to grope his knees and higher, his waist and chest.  
Someone explicitly was pawing him in the dark.  
The dwarf cursed.  
“Bilbo, is that you?” he was indignant, trying to feel the hobbit with his hands.  
“Yeah!” responded the hobbit from the bottom. “I’m trying to find the map!”  
Thorin relaxed, exhaling and stopped paying attention to strange snooping around.  
“Bilbo, you’re tickling me!” he giggled, trying to push off imaginary hobbit from him when he began to touch his chest.  
“I’m down here, looking for the map!” shouted Bilbo.  
Thorin had no time to think because in that same moment, someone snuggled up against him with fever, coming down on him with all his passion and pressed his lips vehemently.  
This someone enfolded his waist with his knees and kept touching his chest all the time, running his hands through his hair and ruffling it.  
At this moment the lights lit up on the board, and Thorin saw a sly phiz of Thranduil. The Elven King stared at him sassy savoring this spicy situation and reveling in the produced effect of his greatness on him. In his hands he clutched a large, metal key.  
“You!” growled Thorin. “How dare you!” he tried to grab Thranduil, but the elf deftly pulled away from his hands and rushed forward.  
“Stand fast!” jumped up Thorin, buttoning his open shirt and pants and rushing after him.  
“Give the key back, you bastard!” yelled crossly he.  
“Catch me if you can!” cried the elf perky in front of him, making his way through the chairs, with a cheerful whooping, jumping over stretched legs and obstacles, which dwarves prepared for him.  
He flew into the toilet and locked from the inside.  
“Hey, open up now!” Thorin drummed his fists upon the door, and then tried to push it, leaning with all his weight. The door did not yield.  
“I’ll break the door now!” he warned menacingly, scaring Thranduil.  
That one laughed hysterically behind it.  
“That’s all? Okay, now you’re failed!”  
Annoyed Thorin kicked the door and hit his fist against it.  
Enthusiastic applause sounded behind it.  
“I will come back now!” warned Thorin irritably. “And you will regret it!”  
“What terrible creatures we are!” Thranduil drawled out with feigned consternation behind the door and then added giggling funnily. “I think I’m afraid of you…already!”  
The dwarf heard a loud obnoxious laughter.  
Thorin spat angrily and headed to his place.  
When he got back in a few minutes, armed with an axe, he hauled it off and punched it at the door.  
“Hey! It’s not fair! You will break it right now!” there was a disgruntled voice from inside.  
“I was going to do it!” honestly warned Thorin, pulling the axe out of the wooden door and brushing away chips adhered to the blade.  
“I believe I should open it?” a timid question forced Thorin to freeze with an axe in his hands, when he hauled it off for another blow.  
“Maybe.” he answered hesitantly.  
“Then promise me to leave your axe outside when I open the door for you!” cautiously asked Thranduil.  
Thorin thought for a moment and lowered his axe down.  
“I’m ready! Open up!” he said.  
Thranduil let the lock click, showed himself and suddenly dragged the dwarf inside. Then he looked out again and looked around busily. “Alone?” he specified and getting no response, closed the door hurriedly behind him.  
Thorin sternly looked at the Elven King.  
“Now give me the key back!” he demanded.  
“I wouldn’t be in such a hurry if I were you!” grinned sarcastically Thranduil, coming closer to the dwarf.  
The plane was shaken again and the lights went out.  
Thorin felt how the elf pinned him against the door and began pawing his buttocks frantically, lustfully cuddling up to him. Thranduil’s lips passionately raped his lips. He even made an attempt to jump on him.  
“Drat! What are you doing???” Thorin tried to push him away stubbornly, but at that moment the plane has been shaken again and he fell on top of the elf.  
“Thorin!” moaned Thranduil underneath. “I want you to do it to me now!”  
“Are you off your head, away with the fairies, your Majesty???” indignantly said Thorin, trying to get off from Thranduil. “Better give me the key back!”  
Thranduil kept him tenaciously. “I will give it back as soon as you do it. You have my word, one king to another!”  
Thorin took a breath noisily, looking around and trying to understand if anyone hears them except Thranduil.  
“Okay, go ahead, take off your clothes!” cussed he.  
Thranduil chuckled merrily opening his gown.  
Thorin dragged him to the sink and sat him on it. Thranduil parted his legs and waited patiently.  
Thorin got his cock erected in a few moments and thrust in Thranduil.  
That one loudly groaned.  
“Aw, please! I haven’t done anything yet!” irritably snorted Thorin.  
“And I feel pleased already!” responded gladly Thranduil.  
Thorin began to move rhythmically inside, clinging the fingers onto the buttocks of the Elven King. Thranduil helped him to move forward, clasping Thorin’s neck. The plane all the time dangled in the air unpleasantly, pushing Thranduil to Thorin and back. Thorin was puffing vigorously fucking Thranduil with all his zeal, and that one tried to moan sweetly.  
“Where’s your wig?” Thorin moaned suffocating.  
“Wait...wait!” the Elven King reached into his robe pocket.  
The plane was in a merciless shake again.  
The passengers on the board yelled hysterically, cursing the pilot. Some of them were thrashing about around the chairs with crazy cries.  
“By my beard, we’re all gonna die!” cried out Bofur throwing off his hat.  
Only Thorin with Thranduil were pretty out of it.  
After the Elven King put on his dark generously perfumed wig, Thorin seemed to changed, has turned into different person. He passionately pounced on Thranduil, fucking him in frenzy way and forcing him to moan louder and hysterically.  
“Oh, yes, Thorin, yes!” shouted excitedly the Elven King.  
Thorin stubbornly continued to thrust his cock into him.  
The plane was thrown into a tailspin and Thorin with all his weight pressed the Elven King to the wall.  
“Oh, my God, Thorin!!! I will cum now!” groaned under him Thranduil, licking his dried lips.  
Thorin tried to catch his breath.  
“Wait, I must do it first!” he demanded.  
“All right!” smiled defiantly Thranduil, hugging his neck.  
The plane jolted again.  
“Damned Radagast!” swore Thorin, intensely moving inside, grabbing the pale buttocks of the Elven King and hoarsely moaned, stopping and moistening him inside with a hot stream of cum.  
He was breathing heavily, trying to align the breathing. Thranduil grinned; now that was his turn to get pleasure. Gracefully moving on top of Thorin with strong moves, he was approaching his climax and when the plane was shaken once again, he plunged his sharp nails into his buttocks and moaned sweetly in his ear.  
“We now crash and all die...” moaned in his bliss Thranduil kissing exhaustedly Thorin, and cuddled up to him, as if seeking refuge.  
“To hell with it!” Thorin said in doomed voice, embracing the Elven King. “I think I hadn’t enough time to grasp it. Let’s do it again if we have time.” he suggested briskly.  
Thranduil playfully smiled and winked at the dwarf in return.  
“Come on, I don’t mind!”  
He passionately assaulted Thorin, kissing his lips.


End file.
